Mommy Milestone. Come Linkup!

As a first time mommy, I spend a lot of time anticipating and celebrating each and every one of Chazz's milestones. It is an amazing thing to witness. But I'm starting to realize that I have reached a few milestones myself. And they need some celebrating too! {hey, any reason to pop open a bottle of wine!} Here are some of my mommy milestones

- Anxiety. Particularly seperation anxiety! The first couple of times that we left Chazz were really hard for me. But its slowly getting better. This last time, I was a little more relaxed. I didn't feel panic-y or as anxious to get home to him. It felt nice to get out with Roman and not feel guilty or as stressed. Just enjoying our time together was such a relief! I think it is only a matter of time before I'm more comfortable without him.

- Some sort of schedule assymbled. Mostly in hopes of getting our lives back in order. Yes, I realize it will never be the same. And that "order" won't be possible everyday. I can't balance it all (yet!) but my new stay at home mom schedule is working well. And to have a few thing accomplised at the end of the day feels nice!

A few milestones that I'm looking forward to:

- Sleeping. Ever.
Ok but really, him sleeping in his own bed, and someday his own room, will be nice. But nobody is ready for that yet, especially me! He sleeps well on his own for naps, but with him still nursing at night, it is so hard for me to get out of bed, let alone going in another room. I'm hoping that the weeks following our move, we can slowly move him into his own bed.

- Losing the diaper bag. I love love love my diaper bag. Love it! And I am nowhere near being able to give it up. But at some point, it won't be needed. Not having to lug it around all the time will be nice. {I swear, it's worse than a purse. I need a back adjustment!} Maybe a small pack for quick changes, and the bulk of it can be in the car?? Because I'm a "just in case" kind of girl.

There are so many things a mom learns along the way! What Mommy Milestones have you accomplished? What are you still working on? Link up, pour a glass of wine, and lets toast to our success!

Cheers!

Home Sweet Home

Renting is the pits. I really can't wait to own our own home. *sigh*
Soon enough, soon enough.

I dont like moving. Well, moving isn't so much as bad as packing. Wrapping up everything, packing it tight, labeling, losing stuff in the meantime. It's tedious! However, I don't mind unpacking because you can put everything exactly how you want it. I'm OCD like that!

But anyway, Roman and I have decided to move out of our current house for a couple different reasons.
-Way. Too. Small. I always feel like I'm going crazy!
-No yard. (And I want a garden!)
-No yard! And we have two lovely mutts that need more of it!
-Just 'cause. We do that a lot.

Oh yeah, and did I mention it was too small? So the last couple days we have been on the look out for some rentable houses. We have our heart set on one that has some amazing architecture and cute vintage flair. There is room for a little garden, a big yard for the mutts, and a garage for Roman to work on cars. Chazz would have lots of crawling room!

I'm crossing my fingers on this one, and hopefully we will know by tommorow evening. This could be a new begining for all of us...:)

Just Doing My Breast. Uhm, Best.

Oh My Gah! I did it! I've nursed my Little Man for 6 months.

6 MONTHS!

I endured the pain. The latching shannanigans. The pinching and scratching! I really didn't think I was going to last this long. And I can't help but be proud. And blessed! It's hard, and I did it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not all high and mighty about BFing. I can't stand the BM vs formula debate. Sure, there are endless benefits to BFing. But it's not for everyone. Feed your baby. Love your baby. Teach your baby. Do that, and your an awesome mom in my book.

And today, I feel like a pretty awesome momma!

Now, I have to throw in my disclaimer: He wasn't exclusively breastfed. He's had formula at 3 different points in his life. The first, he had neonatal low blood sugar at birth, and somewhere along the way, I agreed to give him formula and glucose mixed together. Pfft. This one shouldn't count, because a) Its medical. And b) The nurse druged me. No, really! But that's a different post ;) Anyway. The second was about 6 weeks in. Looking back, it was probably in part due to mild PPD. There were times I just didn't want to feed him. As weird as that sounds, I can't really explain it. I also hated nusing in public or around people... And people were always around! So there was a 3 week period where he had a bottle of formula every couple of days. Then I figured out how to work a pump :) The third, was when a day trip to a nearby town for a concert turned into an all nighter when we got to hang out with the band's singer. Notbraggingatall. When the freezer stash ran out, My Mommy gave him some formula. All in the name of rock n' roll, haha!

Other than that, he's strictly on the boob juice. :)

All in all, I've made it this far, and I'm happy! But now I'm kinda stuck. I had originally planned on weaning at this point. Now I'm not so sure that I want to. Formula is quite spendy, and with Roman being layed off, right now it's not really an option. On top of that, I kinda like nursing my baby He's super snuggly! And cleaning bottles constantly is a pain compared to just popping him in position.

I have a couple things on my mind though. Because you know the first thing everyone is going to ask! They'll all want to know "How long?" And what about my supply? Does it grow with him? No nurse ever tells you about the second six months! Do I need to know anything about long term BFing?? Ahhh, I almost feel like a begginer all over again!

Truth is, I don't know a single answer. Yet. But I'm still excited!!! Cause I did it! Haha, and maybe the rest is just going to have to be up to Chazz!

The Dreaded MRI

7:57am-
Well, Chazz is out. He did good this morning, a lot better than we expected. I thought he would be screaming from 2am on! He fussed at first, but Daddy is so smart and put on cartoons. He was as happy as a clam all the way through check in. Chazz even fell asleep on Roman's shoulder until it was time to hand him over to his nurse. Now it's just waiting.

8:43am
15 minutes till we get to see him!!!!!!!!!!

9:08am-
Aaaaand they LIE!!

9:22am-
Finally got to see my lil man. He was one fiesty mess until I fed him. He had a little trouble nursing at first, he'd pause to yell at me and then continue eating. Holding him is the best feeling ever! The sight of him wrapped in the heated hospital blankie reminds me of when I first held him. There is something about the smell of those blankets that takes me back. I'm just glad he's here, he's somewhat content, and he's ok!

10:20am-
It's policy to stay for an hour after so we are just now getting to pack up... Chazz is oh so sleepy! He's able to flirt with the nurses, so I think he is going to be just fine!

10:47am-
We're home and taking a family nap. All we have for discharge instructions are to feed on demand (duh!), let him sleep (really??), and lay him on his side in case of vomiting. All three of us are barely able to keep our eyes open, so night-night!

2:07pm-
Just woke up, and I'm still tired! We all got to cuddle and catch up on some sleep. Chazz is his normal, playful self. I wonder if he even remembers?!

Here's the "damage"-
*3 pokes from attempts at an IV-in his head, and both feet
*bandage on right foot from IV
*a cough- maybe from the breathing tube shoved in his lungs
*sticky gook from monitors on leg, chest, and chin
*sticky gook and red from eye covers on face

We will have a follow up appt with our pedi to go over the results, so even more waiting! It is so nice to have that out of the way though. Soon we will know the extent of things and what all we're dealing with. It will be nice to know where to go from here...

A Hard Pill to Swallow

Roman and I took Chazz along with us to play Folf at the park with some friends yesterday. (Folf= frisbee golf. I don't know who came up with it or why...)

It didn't take long for me to realize that throwing a folf disk 150 yards with a baby at the hip is IMPOSSIBLE! So Chazz and I headed to the playground.

*Side Note*
I sometimes feel out of place there... I get "side eyed" a lot because
1. Most moms there are twice my age and
2. I still look 16.
So I headed straight for the swings...

I was in need of some cuddles so I just kept Mister Chazz in the sling and hopped on the swing. And just as I thought, he loved it!

It was so nice to hear him laughing. It is a relief for me to see him happy. The last couple days have been hard for me, knowing that he may have limited vision. I'm sick with anxiety, and have too many unanswered questions. It has been a hard pill to swallow.

I keep thinking that he might miss out on all the beauty around him.

Just swinging there, with my son giggling into my chest, was a beautiful moment. It made me realize that he doesn't have to see perfectly to enjoy the world around him. He has been a happy, sweet, bright baby since day one. He is a spitfire like his momma, and I hope he won't let anything stand in his way.

That moment with you is possibly my favorite so far...

Chazz,
My hopes for you are high, as is my pride. Mom can't help but want the best for you. I will try to get through this week in one piece. I want to be your strength when you need it. I want to know all of the answers. I am always in control, but this week has been, and still is, totally out of my hands... But I will fight hard to find answers and pray for strength. You are my handsome, smart, tough little man with a wonderful life ahead of you. Daddy and I will stop at NOTHING but the best for you and love you more than you will ever know!
All of my love,
Mom